The Schlicken Empire

The Elson Gallery

COLORADO SPRINGS (CAP) – A conservative watchdog group has come down on the Disney Channel sensation High School Musical, saying that the TV movies are “minting the next generation of America’s homosexuals” by introducing them to musical comedy at a young age.

“Parents may think it’s very innocent,” said James Dobson of Focus on the Family. “But just watch: one minute they’re watching High School Musical, the next they’re in the front row at Mamma Mia, their hand resting suggestively on a kneecap that’s the same sex as theirs.”

Though the main characters of Troy and Gabriella, played by teen idols Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens, are ostensibly boyfriend and girlfriend in the films, Dobson insists that their relationship is just a cover.

“You’ll notice they don’t even kiss until almost the end of the second movie,” he said. “And even then, their mouths are closed – no tongues.”

Dobson compared musical comedy to a “gateway drug,” saying it’s often the first step on the path to same-sex debauchery. “The studies are clear,” he said, citing in particular a 2004 report by the Kenneth Mehlman Center for Public Affairs showing a clear progression from musical comedy to interior design, and from there to meticulously coiffed hair and a love of colored knit vests (perhaps olive green or burnt orange).

“Within a very short amount of time, even your casual musical comedy viewer is likely to become a flamboyant, family-values-eschewing homosexual,” the report read.

Meanwhile, Disney CEO Robert A. “Bob” Iger released a statement yesterday disputing the claims. “There are absolutely, positively no homosexual undertones in either of our High School Musical movies, nor in any of the CDs, DVDs, posters, clothing or thousands of other related items available at Disney.com,” said Iger.

“Unless you think maybe that there might be a market for it,” he added.

Dobson, however, said that not only do the movies have a homosexual agenda, but that it’s patently obvious. “Just look at that Zac Efron, with his skinny round tush and his tight pants, and those deep, sea blue eyes and the way he pouts with those full, red lips,” he said.

Dobson then cut the interview short, noting he had to go use the bathroom at the Minneapolis-Saint Paul Airport.

[Source: cap news]

Schlicken’s Response: The sad thing is we could see this being true.